THE GOSSIP MACHINE

I love celebrities. I love gossip. So it's fitting that I love Hollywood. I devour the free weeklies that we get at our apartment. A big THANKS! to whoever fogot to change their address when they moved back to Boston last semester. I am addicted to Perez Hilton, a daily must read. Since coming to LA, I have discovered even more gossip sites, granted I spend hours scouring the internet at work looking for mention of clients. But, it's still gossip.

Since moving to LA, my friends and I discovered a few secrets about celebrities in real life. I am here to tell you all of the things that I've learned and unfortunately, to inform you that celebritities really are not all hat different from us mere mortals. Well, except for the fact that they are all ridiculously beautiful and thing. These thigns are true, I'm sorry to inform you. So let's delve into these myths, so I can shatter all of your hopes and dreams.

1) Male actors all seen huge on the TV/movie screen. But honestly, I've learnedthat they're not. Yes, they're all buff and muscular, and most definitely still drool worthy, but they're kinda small. For example, I met Sean Faris, Now if any of you have seen Never Back Downm you'd think this guy was huge- he plays a fighter for heavens sake. Or most recently, he guested on the hotfest that is the Vampire Diaries. When I met this guy, I was shocked at how small he actually is. The guy was short, but stacked.

2) Actors have NOT discovered the fountain of youth. Everyone in this industry seems so young in magazine spreads and fil- wrinkle-free with a twinkle in their eye. Well, whoever invented Photoshop deserves a major bonus because no one is that flawless in real life. Yesterday, I was doing some work at a French cage on Melrose when Annette Bening walks in and sits down to lunch with a friend. At first, I wasn't sure it was her. This woman seemed so old and wrinkly compared to the glowing woman you seeon Warren Beatty's arm on the red carpet. So, what do I do? Naturally, I Google image her and compare the woman in front of me to the woman on the screen. Same nose. same eyes, same haircut, and I swear I recognize the voice. It's her. Now granted this woman is a bit older, but she always looks so flawless on screen. Disclaimer: I am not passing judgment on these people. I find it quite relieving that these folks are not so flawless in real life. I relish the fact that they are somewhat normal.

Now on the opposite end of the age spectrum, on Saturday some friends and I went to a Vampire Diaries signing/question and answer session. I am not ashamed to admit that every Thursday, we TiVo the show and rush back from class to aprtake in a little vampire glory. Anyhow, Ian Somerhalder, who plays the bad boy vamp Damon, is a 30 yr old man. He doesn't look like it on screen with those deeple pensive baby blues and high cheekbones- but in real life, the man looks it. Now granted, he had spent a horrid day traveling on every type of tansportation possible- plane, helicopter, car- I'm telling myself that played a major role. On the other hand, Paul Wesley, who plays sexy, good boy vamp Stefan, wsa even more striking in person. Call me anytime, Paul.

3) Sometimes the screen doesn't portray the hotness of some folks. Last night, we were lucky enough to see Dane Cook at the Laugh Factory. Now, Dane Cook has always been trememdously funny and somewhat attractive. He's from Boston after all. Seeing him on stage, so close, I realized that the man has got something in person that isn't portrayed on TV.

Another example, the other morning I was making my usual Starbucks trip. I decided to try a different location. So I end up at Starbucks on the corner of Beverly and Robertson- right across the street from Chanel, I should have known it was gonna be a good morning. I'm minding my own business waiting for my venti nonfat latte when I notice a rather stunning young man coming into the store. I don't wanna be caught staring, that'd be an awkward situation. So I mind my own business. I leave the store. mindlessly gabbing to my dadwhen I realize that this man (who happen to be wearing a purple Kings hat. Hockey and purple, two perfect things in life) is Michael Vartan, from my absolute favorite TV show of all time, ALIAS. I nearly choke on my latte, wait till I get outside and then freakout. I'm about to cross the street whenI realize I forgot to put Splenda in my coffee. So like an idiot, I turn around, go back in, grab some Splenda, debating whether or not to accost Mr. Vartan. Moral of the story, this 42 yr old man (I had to look that up, I thought he was thirty-something) looks better than ever before. Before I knew who it was, I thought he was a twenty-something.

4) Apparently the nicest actors in this business are, in reality, big bitches. Now I haven't met this specific celebrity, though I desperately want to. She is one of my all time favorite actresses and I legit worship her life. Sounds creepy, but it's completely true. I've heard from multiple sources, that her good girl act is all a lie and my faith in humanity may be ruined because of it. Unfortunately, her name is Jennifer Garner. GASP. I find it so hard to believe that she is such a rude person. She seems so nice, friendly, honest, and utterly amazing in all of the interviews I've seen or read of her. But as more and more people tell me that those who have met her say the exact opposite, I am forced to believe there may be some truth here. I desperately cling to the hope that everyone is wrong...please, world BE WRONG.

Now these are the little lesson that I've learned so far. Some of them may seem rather obvious, but to me they are somewhat mind-blowing. Working in Hollywood has taught me to believe most of what I read in the gossip columns. I mean most of these things aren't coming from nowhere- half of the time, it's a publicist pitching to some columnist or blogger. Perez Hilton should be read as fact, the National Enquirer not so much. But you get the gist. Now, one thing that I desperately want Perez to be wrong about is Leo DiCaprio's possible engagement to Bar Raffeli. Now its not like I'm naive enough to cling to some far fetched hope that one day, I will be the future Mrs. DiCaprio (though I do still cling to the hope to one day be the Queen of England, married to the gorgeous Prince William); but if he is, alas, engaged, all of my childhood dreams will come crashing down around me. I have harborerd a deep love for this suave man since 1997. I am going to break my no scary movie rule to see his latest collabo with Scorsese this weekend. EVERYONE GO SEE SHUTTER ISLAND.

On that not, I am going to wnd with a little product placement. Because it's what Hollywood does.